Warm summer night and
it's sultry in and out!
What can I say now for
I'm in the same boat as yesterday!
Try to sleep through my sufferings
But wake up to the bites of the little creatures!
Just the beginning of the next day I realize
-- And never easy to get back to sleeping again!
Easy to put me to sleep
--if only my hormones slept a little!
Spare me a moment for I'd like to sleep a little I ask,
and I hear them giggle for they haven't had a stopper yet!
Worse as it gets, I lay as a log burning within!
Thoughts do their duty
-- adding fuel to the fire
And I can't move a muscle
for I'll wake those around!
Laying as a log I'm told once
-- And it was true then
For I had known nothing but pain
-- When he tries to get to me!
Emotions swirl through me but I lay as a log
-- lest I'd shake him off, much to his dismay!
Never did he realize that
-- all that was left in me was anger and bitterness
-- feeling naked and clothed in shame
-- and screaming within to explode in anger
Why do I recall those nights
-- that had left me in pitiful and shameful state
Is that what I go through once again
-- with none but me to deal with it???
Saturday 15 September 2018
Saturday 8 September 2018
A drive thru the memory lane with a (not-so) stranger!
An usual mundane Saturday night, and I had been listening to songs and happily singing (or screaming to anyone that hears me... haha) away.
Playing songs at random, I've been enjoying the last few songs that my player picks up. And here I am, smiling all through this song (Enakkoru Aasa by Teejay), and suddenly it dawns on me that I haven't enjoyed singing and smiling like this in a while. So, I start wondering when I was last so happy listening to songs like this...
May be a few times here in my room, but I recall the day that I had been on a short (really short) road trip (to nowhere) with someone I had then just known!
Well, he is not a total stranger but he wasn't someone I had known well enough to go on a road trip either. We had just met and that was probably our second or third meet? (God, I forget things so easily, anyways, not very relevant so I forgive you lady for that!). How I came to trust him so soon is a topic for another day but there I was, going for a drive without a second thought.
We were listening to songs then, and realized that both of us liked the same kind of songs, and we like to sing, and enjoy them better when we sing along :) [I swear I actually sing, but people hear it differently...haha]. And to our surprise, we started talking (you know what about) and in no time, we were laughing out about us :) We were so much alike emotionally (put me in his shoes, I'd have replicated his behaviour). The more he spoke, the more it felt like I was seeing myself. Like there was another soul that experiences similar life instances, and that thinks and likes and smiles for same reasons. It was an overwhelming feeling to realize that you can relate to someone so much like this, and vice versa.
That was a day with no agenda and no plan whatsoever, but left me (and him) with so much happiness, singing and driving away with no destination in our minds, talking about us, eating whatever we liked (oh yes, he is a foodie too) and sometimes wondering where exactly we were going!
PS: Wonder how a totally unrelated song can lead you into a stream of thoughts and leaves you with a smile!
Playing songs at random, I've been enjoying the last few songs that my player picks up. And here I am, smiling all through this song (Enakkoru Aasa by Teejay), and suddenly it dawns on me that I haven't enjoyed singing and smiling like this in a while. So, I start wondering when I was last so happy listening to songs like this...
May be a few times here in my room, but I recall the day that I had been on a short (really short) road trip (to nowhere) with someone I had then just known!
Well, he is not a total stranger but he wasn't someone I had known well enough to go on a road trip either. We had just met and that was probably our second or third meet? (God, I forget things so easily, anyways, not very relevant so I forgive you lady for that!). How I came to trust him so soon is a topic for another day but there I was, going for a drive without a second thought.
We were listening to songs then, and realized that both of us liked the same kind of songs, and we like to sing, and enjoy them better when we sing along :) [I swear I actually sing, but people hear it differently...haha]. And to our surprise, we started talking (you know what about) and in no time, we were laughing out about us :) We were so much alike emotionally (put me in his shoes, I'd have replicated his behaviour). The more he spoke, the more it felt like I was seeing myself. Like there was another soul that experiences similar life instances, and that thinks and likes and smiles for same reasons. It was an overwhelming feeling to realize that you can relate to someone so much like this, and vice versa.
That was a day with no agenda and no plan whatsoever, but left me (and him) with so much happiness, singing and driving away with no destination in our minds, talking about us, eating whatever we liked (oh yes, he is a foodie too) and sometimes wondering where exactly we were going!
PS: Wonder how a totally unrelated song can lead you into a stream of thoughts and leaves you with a smile!
Thursday 6 September 2018
Go back in time, can we?
Waiting for the call that I'm supposed to be receiving today, from a dear friend (!?) of mine, who has been busy with family n friends when I tried to get in touch yesterday and promised to call me today (of course!).
When people say that they'd call, they do call, isn't it? At least, he does... well, mostly! But, what happened today when I need him the most?
As I keep wondering why he couldn't call, I also wonder if I can ever be mad at him for not keeping his word this time! I'm sure he has a good enough reason when he doesn't call back as he promises. Besides, I had told him that it's nothing important. So, it's not fair that I even expect him to call today, when there's several other people and stuffs that need his attention!
But, I've been desperate; desperate to hear from him, tell him all that I've been going through. And I'm certain, he knows that as well (Assuming I still crossed his mind amidst everything else that he must be involved in:-/). He doesn't forget what he says:-( Makes me angry even more to think that he must've discarded those thoughts!
On the other hand, everytime I think of what I'd tell him, I do realize that none of those interests him any bit. He could only patiently listen (with a slightest hint of disinterest) to my blabberings, and smile if he needs to!!
You know, going over these again and again in my mind only makes me crazy... and frustrated. I'm even mad at him (at least I'd like to think so :-)), but then, what's the point! It wouldn't mean anything to him, for he doesn't react to such silly stuffs anymore (such reactions are silly to him I realize!). He'd reason it out and be so very understanding that he'd not even react :/ Wouldn't that drive you nuts :@ Oh, I'm already going mad!
Can we not go back to those times, when you could get hurt if I told you that I'm mad at you, and then, you could try and do all that you can, to make up for missing out on that call you promised :-) And make an effort, struggle a little bit and make more promises before you could make me smile once again :-)) What a crazy thought...!
You know, what I really feel like doing, is to send you a note that I hate you (not really, and you know that) as you had forgotten all about me and how much I had needed your time, rather, you, around me, as I'm going crazy by minute. I had wanted to tell you that I had been waiting for you to come over n hold me, and tell me that it is going to be alright. You've told me so several times, but I may need to hear that from you another thousand times before I come to believe that (I guess!)
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm still fighting with myself about how good or bad a person that I'm today. I didn't want to believe you when you kept telling me that I am indeed a good soul. I had so wanted to resist that thought from reaching my mind, for I was forcing me to hurt myself. But, I must admit that it's one of those few things that makes me come out of my shell and smile a bit every now n then :-) before I sink back in my World again!
Silly me!!! (And I can hear you say that that's not silly :-/)
So, here I'm, waiting for you, but when you call, I'd like to ignore those calls at least a few times, to make you realize that I'm angry. But then, would you even attempt to call a second time??!
When people say that they'd call, they do call, isn't it? At least, he does... well, mostly! But, what happened today when I need him the most?
As I keep wondering why he couldn't call, I also wonder if I can ever be mad at him for not keeping his word this time! I'm sure he has a good enough reason when he doesn't call back as he promises. Besides, I had told him that it's nothing important. So, it's not fair that I even expect him to call today, when there's several other people and stuffs that need his attention!
But, I've been desperate; desperate to hear from him, tell him all that I've been going through. And I'm certain, he knows that as well (Assuming I still crossed his mind amidst everything else that he must be involved in:-/). He doesn't forget what he says:-( Makes me angry even more to think that he must've discarded those thoughts!
On the other hand, everytime I think of what I'd tell him, I do realize that none of those interests him any bit. He could only patiently listen (with a slightest hint of disinterest) to my blabberings, and smile if he needs to!!
You know, going over these again and again in my mind only makes me crazy... and frustrated. I'm even mad at him (at least I'd like to think so :-)), but then, what's the point! It wouldn't mean anything to him, for he doesn't react to such silly stuffs anymore (such reactions are silly to him I realize!). He'd reason it out and be so very understanding that he'd not even react :/ Wouldn't that drive you nuts :@ Oh, I'm already going mad!
Can we not go back to those times, when you could get hurt if I told you that I'm mad at you, and then, you could try and do all that you can, to make up for missing out on that call you promised :-) And make an effort, struggle a little bit and make more promises before you could make me smile once again :-)) What a crazy thought...!
You know, what I really feel like doing, is to send you a note that I hate you (not really, and you know that) as you had forgotten all about me and how much I had needed your time, rather, you, around me, as I'm going crazy by minute. I had wanted to tell you that I had been waiting for you to come over n hold me, and tell me that it is going to be alright. You've told me so several times, but I may need to hear that from you another thousand times before I come to believe that (I guess!)
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm still fighting with myself about how good or bad a person that I'm today. I didn't want to believe you when you kept telling me that I am indeed a good soul. I had so wanted to resist that thought from reaching my mind, for I was forcing me to hurt myself. But, I must admit that it's one of those few things that makes me come out of my shell and smile a bit every now n then :-) before I sink back in my World again!
Silly me!!! (And I can hear you say that that's not silly :-/)
So, here I'm, waiting for you, but when you call, I'd like to ignore those calls at least a few times, to make you realize that I'm angry. But then, would you even attempt to call a second time??!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)