So called relationships, friendships or whatever!

Dated 07/03/24

Just broke up with a "friend" or "close friend" or whatever it is, as claimed by him. Well, technically, he broke up, and I didn't have a say in that matter! Just decides to let go because he is upset with whatever I had said or done, may be?? and that's about it? No response to my attempts to ask why (and why!). So, one can just walk away because they feel like it at the time? and then what?!

I'm just done with this whole "talk and stay in a relationship when convenient" mindset (b*#^$^#t).

You have people walking into your life as & when they LIKE, which is fine (which is probably how it also works?), but just can't continue to accept that they choose to go away as & when they please. So, basically, I'm so fine if they wanna go ('not that I have a choice or say, and I'm not the one walking away), but when people do, they better stay that way. 

I'm done tolerating and being okay with their non-sense, and then just wait for them to talk again, and then treat them the way it USED to be when they get back.

PS: I never imagined that I'd be so upset with someone or that I'd even talk s&^t about people! While I just did that, it's just my way of saying that I really don't want to deal with such mindsets anymore. No offense to anyone around me, just letting myself know that I don't have to tolerate someone's behavior just because I value their relationship. I still do (as in, value) but that isn't reason enough to let them treat me the way I'm treated. 

Can I ask you this?

"Hey! Can I talk to you?" I ask.

It's funny I ask so now, I didnt have to ask then.

Those were the days when you'd let all your mates go back to their room and you'd stay back so you could spend sometime with me!

You wouldn't have to ask and neither would I!

We'd sit side by side and won't say a word most often. We didn't talk much, just spent sometime around each other! 

The World knows me for a chatterbox!

But I was perfectly fine staying silent while you were around!

And at times, I used to wonder what goes in your mind -- Didn't you talk because we didn't have much in common? And you were okay to spend those moments sitting idle (or may be not idle!) with me while you could be discussing tech with your nerdy friends!

And you told me one day that you were totally okay not talking and that you just wanted to be around!!! Just as I was!

I had understood you a little then and was glad you said so, and I recall having smiled at that answer, as if I had already known that 😊.

But I was much like an excited kid, and didn't know what it meant really, and what you meant by that, and more importantly, what I may have meant to you (then!)!

We'd sit side by side and won't say a word most often. We didn't talk much while we were in the campus, just spent sometime around each other!

I realize much later what it meant to me!

I was so calm with you around!

You were totally okay with who I was, however I was, and didn't want a thing to change around me! It was those moments when I was at peace with myself!

'Cause there were

 - No words to be interpreted!

 - No asks to be served!

 - No expectations to be hurt about!

 - No boundaries to be broken!

And, it was just enough! 

- Just be and let me be!!

But wait, may be there was more to all of these, and I never knew enough, isn’t it!

You always cared, you always gave, you were always there looking out and you were always waiting --

- Waiting for me to come to you!

- Waiting to relive those moments we had shared in silence!

- Waiting to be contended once again with this life!

"Can I talk to you" I ask now. Not that it changes anything, but I'd like to hear from you all that you had wanted to say then!

You aren't mine and would never be!

And I won't take away any of yours, and won't ask of you for anything but this!

Come to me

- to just be, and let me be, even if it's for a moment!

- for I want to be at peace, yet again! And I'd like to know, if you can bring that to me, once again! 

So, I ask you this!

Come to me

- to just be, and let me be, even if it's for a moment!